Insiders Adoption Journal

Let's be honest mama, there are some seasons in our home in which we just aim to get through- to survive. We are simply trying to keep our house from burning down and our kids all alive! And in that process of just "getting by", we lose ourselves. We struggle to remember what it was like to have energy, to have a bounce in our step, and to look forward to something. We pour so much into the needs of everyone around us that we go to bed and wake up bankrupt inside, day after day. Can you feel me? 

This was the case for me in several seasons of my life as an adoptive mom to trauma exposed kids. They won. Their trauma perpetuated as trauma in my home and between their issues and the issues that they made my issues, I would crawl under the covers and dread having to come back out from them. There was one place in the whole house that felt safe, and it was my bed. I spent my day counting down the time until I could crawl back into my cocoon of safety. 

Since those days, I have...

I remember the day that we decided we would adopt. We had a miscarriage after investing money we didn't have into fertility treatments. We had gone from our highest of highs to our lowest of lows in a matter of weeks and after months at not knowing how we would grow our family, we attended an adoption orientation at a local agency. We left that meeting with a renewed hope for a large family. We were excited, relieved, and eager. 

Nothing about adoption was easy, but let's be honest... nothing about infertility was easy either. Having a family was simply not going to be easy for Jason and I. So I guess it was good that easy wasn't a requirement for us. 

Our first few kids came with great health complications, but we were matched much quicker than we had ever dreamed. Our family was growing and I was in my element. I was a MOM! I had dreamed of being a mom since I was 9. I wrote in my third grade journal to the kids I would one day have (Yes, I really did). 

I had my...