Insiders Adoption Journal

Dear Adoptive Mom with Your "Normal" Kid, 

You dreamed of bringing home your bundle of joy. And when your dreams came true, you dreamed that your bundle would grow into a healthy and vibrant child who had nothing but typical struggles. And that dream came true. Your child understands social cues, your child is growing academically, your child adores you and thrives in school, at home, and in life. You did it! You won the adoption lottery! I am SO HAPPY for you and genuinely overjoyed that your child is doing so well. 

I had won the adoption lottery, once upon a time. (Let it be said that in a very different sense of the word, I still feel I have won the lottery despite the difficulties that have ensued with my children.)  My first child was healthy upon arrival and developmentally age appropriate. To this day, he is the most "normal" as far as his development, though he is on an IEP and has some social issues. This son has never hurt me... and I mean never. He has...

Let's be honest mama, there are some seasons in our home in which we just aim to get through- to survive. We are simply trying to keep our house from burning down and our kids all alive! And in that process of just "getting by", we lose ourselves. We struggle to remember what it was like to have energy, to have a bounce in our step, and to look forward to something. We pour so much into the needs of everyone around us that we go to bed and wake up bankrupt inside, day after day. Can you feel me? 

This was the case for me in several seasons of my life as an adoptive mom to trauma exposed kids. They won. Their trauma perpetuated as trauma in my home and between their issues and the issues that they made my issues, I would crawl under the covers and dread having to come back out from them. There was one place in the whole house that felt safe, and it was my bed. I spent my day counting down the time until I could crawl back into my cocoon of safety. 

Since those days, I have...

I remember the day that we decided we would adopt. We had a miscarriage after investing money we didn't have into fertility treatments. We had gone from our highest of highs to our lowest of lows in a matter of weeks and after months at not knowing how we would grow our family, we attended an adoption orientation at a local agency. We left that meeting with a renewed hope for a large family. We were excited, relieved, and eager. 

Nothing about adoption was easy, but let's be honest... nothing about infertility was easy either. Having a family was simply not going to be easy for Jason and I. So I guess it was good that easy wasn't a requirement for us. 

Our first few kids came with great health complications, but we were matched much quicker than we had ever dreamed. Our family was growing and I was in my element. I was a MOM! I had dreamed of being a mom since I was 9. I wrote in my third grade journal to the kids I would one day have (Yes, I really did). 

I had my...

Seven of my eleven children came to me as teens or tweens. They experienced more of their childhood years WITHOUT their father and I than they did WITH US. Overcoming the history for children adopted in their teen years is VERY difficult for any adoptive parents. 

Our kids didn't choose to fear rejection, their pasts pre-set this. Our kids didn't choose to not trust, the misplaced trust in their pasts pre-set this. Our kids didn't choose to question our motives, and yet here they were, questioning whether our motives were love or control. Our children didn't want to feel unsafe in our home, but no place had ever proven to be safe emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Our children didn't choose their past and this means they didn't choose us as their present or future. EVERYTHING in these kids' lives was done to them or decided for them. Simply put, Jason and I were their best option between homelessness, continued abuse, or being lost in a system. 

I remember a young...

It always looks so perfect, doesn't it? My troop of kids with us on our vacations, in our little ranch home with our goats, or eating ice cream at the parlor. We are smiling, or the kids are acting coy... our different skin tones, our random ages and genders. It is all so unexpected and yet awesome to see. And I have to admit, I look at those same photos with the same awe and with an immense amount of love. Yet, there is so much more than the photos reveal. 

After a struggle with infertility early on in our 21 year long marriage, we determined that adoption was not only what we were supposed to be doing but that we were willing to open our minds to the possibility of FOUR kids! Yup, brave us... willing to take in four kids over a course of 5 or 6 years we had figured! So funny to look back now that we have 11 kids of our own and dozens more that we love like our own in ministry. 

Yup, that was the plan! Get licensed and adopt a baby. And just as planned, we did exactly...