Insiders Adoption Journal

Broken... heart shattered. Do you hear me, Mama? Have you been here? Have you poured your heart into your child? You're time, energy, prayers, sleep, and finances have all been given to your child and at the end you are left empty and your child is broken. Broken and broken, opposite sides of the road, you opposite your child. 

That is where I am today. I don't profess to be able to fix my kids any more than you can fix yours. It isn't our job. Our job as moms is to love our kids BIG. It is to accept them for who they are and meet them where they are at. It is THEIR job to fix their pains and pasts. It is GOD'S job to fill the voids. We can contribute to healing or hurts, and honestly as we fumble through the journey of parenting we will likely do both but remember, Mama, perfection isn't required. Our kids can't be perfect, nor can we. 

Love isn't defined by an emotion... it isn't the warm and fuzzy feeling you had when you were matched to your chosen child. Love isn't...

Dear Adoptive Mom with Your "Normal" Kid, 

You dreamed of bringing home your bundle of joy. And when your dreams came true, you dreamed that your bundle would grow into a healthy and vibrant child who had nothing but typical struggles. And that dream came true. Your child understands social cues, your child is growing academically, your child adores you and thrives in school, at home, and in life. You did it! You won the adoption lottery! I am SO HAPPY for you and genuinely overjoyed that your child is doing so well. 

I had won the adoption lottery, once upon a time. (Let it be said that in a very different sense of the word, I still feel I have won the lottery despite the difficulties that have ensued with my children.)  My first child was healthy upon arrival and developmentally age appropriate. To this day, he is the most "normal" as far as his development, though he is on an IEP and has some social issues. This son has never hurt me... and I mean never. He has...